SO a lil update..  I have a job interview on tuesday at a local borders bookstore as a possible "book seller/ cashier/sales associate" I am quite anxious about this interview because in all honesty I need this job. Not just for having a job but i need it so i can begin to get my life back on track. This past month has been one that I do not want to see continue. I have become more edgy and have snapped at my parents more frequently for lil things but it is I think because I am just frustrated. I left my previous job because I just didn't feel the work conditions were right for me. I didn't appreciate the rudeness of customers, the hectic paced atmosphere and the routine of every night counting the drawer and coming in the next morning finding out i was off (off by a lil bit .5 .10 .15 one day 50$ but still to think you have something down and to come in and find you were wrong just shoots that confidence down to hardly zero) 

 SO to get beyond the initial interview phase and to actually possibly get a job would be a great accomplishment. 

   IN other news i found out my ex girlfriend of just under three years is now engaged to be married. Now of course I am happy for her but yet I am still quite pissed at how everything ended.  We didn't have the most stable of relationships and in the end it took quite a nasty turn into a personal hell. I wont go into details in here but yet it stings a bit that she could accuse me of things that I never did and yet she turns right around and does the same fucking thing.. 

 But what has really come to the forefront is what does this say about me?  I haven't been able to go on a date in over 4 years since we originally started going out and now living back home it is really hard to impress women when a.) you live at home and b.) you don't have a job..

 Now I am working very hard on trying to get that job and I have been talking with a lot of my friends about how with getting a job it will start to help get my life back on track and being to achieve some of my personal goals of earning/saving money so eventually yes I am saying eventually not soon not in the future but eventually that I will get my degree i think that maybe by late 20's i will be able to achieve this.

 Another thing that has come up is how to plug that hole that has continued to slowly grow and grow. At first it was working out and i was doing that over 3x then 2x a week and i have lost over 30 pounds since moving home and working out.. the other thing that I was doing was volunteering at the obama campaign which over the past month I have not done alot of especially.. 

 I am not particularly sure why I stopped but I think that is something that will enable me to 1.) get out of the house and avoid doing chores like vaccuming and painting. 2.) meet and socialize with people of like minds and points of view that want to see a change in this world. 3.) meet new friends ( you can never have to many friends)

 

So I think I am gonna go back and do some volunteering and over the next week will do that continue to work out and hopefully improve past the initial interview stage. Oh and get my tattoo which I got a week ago retouched since a part of it is getting cut off or maybe just never was done very well who knows.. but I do know that i will as my tattoo says stay strong and continue to fight and survive because as i have told many of my friends when they are having a difficult time is " as long as your breathing... you will be okay!" thats true and it is a good motto to remember...