The Sashman Speaks

So let me think I haven't updated this since late november and quite a lot has happened.. I got myself a new kitten after the death of my 17 year old one and she is quite a handful but worth every second that I am with her.. her name is mitzvah or mitzy ( it means blessing in hebrew) but pretty much after bringing her home as part of my family my cat of 9 years quickly became sick and on december 6 after already been brought to the vet and told that he was just very sick and given a shot and to give him time to heal and recover I had to take him to an emergency vet. Sadly he didn't make it and died in my arms * the third cat in the past 4 months to die in my arms) SO yeah that was quite a shock..  So beside dealing with a lot of the pain and hurt from that I have been turning most of my attention towards work. I have worked at borders for just over a month and I love it! I LOVE the people the atmosphere everything.. and I don't really mind the hours I have had to wake up at...

So for those of you that read this I chose to put my cat of 17 years to sleep today. She had been getting weaker and weaker and two nights ago she lost control of her hind paws and has spend the past two days/nights just sleeping her breathing becoming more shallow but never fully stopping.  I went to work today at 6:30 and came home around 12:30 and like usual she looked up at me using all her strength that she still had gave me a lil tigey smile and purred to aknowledge that I was with her. So we left at 12:30 to go to the vet and usually tigey HATES cars and car rides but today she just laid in my lap and slept.. at around 1:00 the vet came in and administered the shot and she winced a lil bit but in about 10 seconds her heart had stopped and she was gone.  I can still recall many of the details of when I first met tigey i was playing super bases loaded in our other room when my dad called upstairs saying he had a surprise for me. I came downstairs was told to close my eyes and when...

well lets see work is going well and wednesday i begin my normal work hours of 7-11 am which means waking up at 6 am again something i haven't done in a very long time.... over 8 years since highschool but i am confident that once i get back into the swing of things i will be okay. Other than that I am doing pretty good been spending time with some friends and just enjoying life.. I had a good talk with my sister who lives in brooklyn ny and we are working on a possible trip of me coming down to visit her and to also see a broadway show with her.. this was/is her birthday/xmas/chunnukah present to me which is just goign way above and beyond anything that she has ever done so I am really looking forward to it.   Other than that I have a doctors appointment this thursday to talk with my diabetes educators about whether or not I will be a good candidate to go onto an insulin pump which my endocrinologist and I think would probably be the next step in trying to get my diabetes under co...

well so far work has been fun i really like the people i am working with and the atmosphere of borders and everything that goes with it.. I am still learning the ropes and getting an understanding of what i will be doing and such but it is a lot more relaxed and easier to work.  Let me see what else have I been upto been spending time with a really nice young woman but i think that things started going a bit to fast to quickly but we are still good friends and such. So my new schedule of work will be wednesday through saturday 7 am to 11am which isn't bad at all and this will be the first time i will ever work "black friday" after spending thanksgiving with my family in boston will be comin back here getting a few hours of sleep then heading to work but it is a good time. This year I have a lot to be thankful for.. I have wonderful family and great friends who without i would be very lost. I have my health and my happiness which comes and goes like most happiness but over...

Well lets see since my last update I have had my birthday which was a wonderful night thanks to my best friend who took me out to dinner then for drinks bowling( injured my hip) and to a gentlemans club it was a great birthday night and one I will always remember.  Other than that I start work well training at borders on monday and i am really looking forward to that and earning some money and starting to gain my independence back. I also have met a very wonderful young woman and I am really looking forward seeing where things can go.. so yeah things are finally starting to settle into a good place for me. 

well tomorrow at 8:15 in the morning i will officially become a quarter of a century years of age. Over this past year a lot of stuff has gone on. I have had a long term relationship end horribly and have begun slowly moving on after beginning to accept that this break up was not my fault but was inevitable that it was going to end.  I am taking a year off from college and have moved back home and was working at one job for a couple of months and now starting next week I begin my new job at borders bookstore.  I have really grown up a lot in a year and have begun to really understand what it means to be a adult with responsibilities and with trying to live up to my own expectations and not try to live up to anyone else's.  I have had my ups and downs and have come through it stronger than I really think I could have. I know that there is still alot of growing and learning to come and it is something that I am looking forward to with an open mind and a willingness to do my best and ...

to those who read this or not i really don't care because it is my personal thoughts and feelings that I am putting down and personally I could give two shits if you like what I say.  I have over the past few weeks had lot of stuff that I have been dealing with from the continue struggle to find a job and to pursue any lead for a job that I think I can do to having a few instances where my temper which I usually keep pretty much under control has risen to the surface and for quick moments bubbled over.  I had a talk with a few people last night and it came to my realization that I really need to rediscover myself and to find who I am again..  I thought I had an idea of who that was but after talking I realized that I am still pretty confused as to who I am and who I want to be. I have been used and abused by many different people in different ways in my lifetime and I have been way to trusting and have always said well thats okay I know you didn't mean it and stuff like that an...